The Week in Sports: Vol. 1

Don’t let the cute little imp in the photo fool you. After getting off to an MLB-worst 2-9 start, Red Sox fans are hardly this arrogant and smug these days. Hell, even the time-tested “Yankees Suck!” chants didn’t seem to have the usual conviction at Fenway last weekend.

As it stands, the Red Sox are looking up at everyone in the American League East entering Friday night’s game against the Toronto Blue Jays. But a quick scan of the standings also shows that the Mets, Pirates, Astros, and Mariners have twice as many wins as the Red Sox. That’s just embarrassing.

So what better way to spin the wheels back in your favor than announcing that Adrian Gonzalez, the first baseman you lusted after all winter, has agreed to a seven-year, $154 million contract extension? (Oh, by the way, at 5-9, Gonzalez’ old team, the Padres, are also doing better than his current employer.) The contract was the second richest in franchise history, trailing only the $160 million (over eight years) the Red Sox threw at the feet of Manny Ramirez.

But if Boston loses three of four to the Blue Jays this weekend, Gonzalez might want to pull a Manny and lock himself inside The Wall. …

Thanks to Carey Price, the Canadiens stole Game 1 of their first-round Stanley Cup Playoffs series against the Bruins on Thursday night. But, please, let’s not throw him into the pantheon of legendary Montreal goalies like Dryden, Roy, and Plante. Price made 31 saves but there weren’t too many tough ones. Nearly every Bruins shot on him was unobstructed. If the Bruins don’t make things more difficult by crowding the crease and obstructing Price’s view, they could be looking at a 2-0 hole and the possibility of having played their last home game of the season. …

I am utterly distraught with the continued wussification of Tom Brady. First, he gets talked into posing for a photo in GQ while holding a goat. Then he decides to out-streetperson Steve Nash with that ridiculous greasy hairstyle (which only got worse when he channeled Justin Bieber). Now he’s blubbering like a baby during an ESPN interview, still whimpering about the fact that he lasted until the sixth round of the 2000 NFL draft before hearing his name called.

I don’t know who the hell you are, but if you could kindly ask the foot-on-the-throat, three-time Super Bowl-winning quarterback to return to the field, I’d very much appreciate it. …

You’d be hard-pressed to find a more enjoyable sports night out than a warm summer evening along the banks of the Merrimack River watching a Lowell Spinners game. Even if you’re not a huge baseball fan, there’s enough going on at the game to keep everyone – including restless kids – happy. And the organization’s reputation for having the best promotions in minor league baseball is well earned. If you like dog-riding monkey herders, this year will be no different.

But you know what will keep my lazy ass in the seat? The Spinners this season will unveil a smartphone app that allows fans to order food and drink from their seat and have it delivered by a member of the concessions crew. This is just plain awesome. Now if the Spinners can figure out a way to eliminate those trips to the restrooms LeLacheur Park will be baseball’s Taj Mahal.


One thought on “The Week in Sports: Vol. 1

  1. Thanks for the reality check, dude. With the Red Sox fans heading to the roofs, the stairwells are too crowded right now to handle Bruins fans panicking over being down 1-0. Bruins are better than the Canadiens at every position — goalie included — and I can’t see them losing a SERIES to Les Habs. A game or two, yes. But not 4.

    Now if only my Kings could get past the first round, I’d be a happy hockey fan.

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